I looked without seeing, and I listened without hearing. It seemed to me then that life passed me by. The school was my most favorite place to be as a child, but as I grew older that fondness left me. It wasn’t the work that troubled me because I excelled. It wasn’t the teachers that bothered me because they all loved me, and I grew to love them over time. It wasn’t necessarily the students either because I wanted to be just like them. I longed to be cool and confident like my other peers. It was me. I was the problem.
I always knew that my legs were too skinny. I also knew from an early age that I wouldn’t always have nice things to wear like everyone else my age. It wasn’t until I made it to middle school that I realized that there was so much more wrong with me. My nose was too big. My face was too long. My hair wasn’t cute enough, and I had a boyish figure. Why hadn’t anyone told me before?
I had gone through life thinking that I was just as cute as anyone else. I thought that I wouldn’t get picked on because my family had always told me how pretty I was. I realized then that they only told me this because it was their job. A mother wouldn’t be a very good mother if she didn’t make her daughter feel beautiful every single day, no matter how that daughter actually looked. A grandmother is proud of all of her grandchildren, and she thinks they’re all gorgeous. Let’s face the facts, though. Grandma can’t see too well. Aunts only tell you that you’re pretty because they want mini versions of themselves to play with and so they shower you with gifts and affection hoping that you will choose one of them as your favorite. But they all lied. I wasn’t as pretty as they claimed I was.
One day, in particular, this realization had really gotten to me. I was sitting in class feeling my lowest. All of the kids around me were enjoying themselves. They were talking, laughing, playing, and being rude to our substitute teacher. I felt bad for her. I felt bad for myself. I spent the majority of that class feeling extra pitiful and ugly. I only lifted my head to look at the paper that the teacher was passing around. At the moment that I lifted my head, she was approaching my desk. We locked eyes. She said to me, “You’re a very beautiful girl. Your face is so unique. You are beautiful. Never let anyone tell you different.” She changed my life forever.
Up until that point, I thought that I had to live with pity and self hate all of my life. I thought that I would never love myself the way that my family did. This woman seemed to be an angel sent from God. That day she told me exactly what I needed to hear. Every kid in that class stared at me trying to figure out why I was so special. They didn’t realize that the teacher had spoken to the spirit inside of me. She saw my inward parts, and she stirred up a beautiful thing in my heart. She introduced me to love. I first had to learn to love myself. I was beautiful and unique and I finally believed it.
Ever since that day none of the other students complained about my looks either. Whatever their opinions were they kept them to themselves. Not that their opinions would have made a difference anyways. That teacher had awoken a confidence in me that would stick to me like glue for the rest of my life. She will always be remembered in my book as the woman who rescued me from the pit of my despair. Today, I encourage every person that comes across this blog to compliment a stranger. Make someone feel loved. You don’t know what kind of an impact you could make in someone’s life by lending only a kind word.
On this day 24 years ago, my mom gave me life. Even though I usually don’t celebrate my birthday, I woke up this morning with a strong desire to get everything done. I guess I’m sort of nesting for the onset of old-age that is sure to catch up to me eventually. I have now spent 24 years of my life doing and accomplishing the minimum, but today would be different. Or so I thought.
I ended up spending my day grocery shopping, consistently yelling at my kids, and surfing the internet. It wasn’t the productive day that I had in mind, but I’m still content with the way things are right now. My kids still love me even though I make a million mistakes. I’m still alive to experience the joys of living. And most importantly, I still have time to get myself together.
So this goes out to all of the lazy mamas out there. Maybe you didn’t successfully schedule your kids’ whole day and follow said schedule correctly. Maybe you didn’t mark off every chore from your growing list. Maybe you didn’t find the time to smile more and love on the people who love you the most. But you still have time. Let’s make an effort to be better, do better, and live better. If we can’t pull it together for ourselves, then we can surely pull it together for those precious little lives we brought here.
I got married on December 23, 2018, and nobody knew about it.
Well, nobody except for my mom, my mother-in-law, and my pastors. I just didn’t feel comfortable sharing this information with the world yet.
I don’t know if it was a fear of negative reactions that fueled my secrecy or if it was just a sudden need for a little privacy. But I instantly decided that I desired to have a moment alone to process one of life’s most precious moments that had recently happened to me.
Ever since I can remember, I always thought that I would never have kids and I would never marry. Yet, I find myself at this very moment enjoying a movie night with my husband and my daughter’s and I have to ask God, “What did I do to deserve these strangers?”
I love my new little family. Now that the fear of completely failing as a wife and mom slowly breaks away from me like a cocoon, I can scream at the top of my lungs that I am married. God has entrusted me with a husband and kids. Hurrraaayyy!
Today, I would like to dedicate a post to introducing myself. I am 23 years old going on 50. I’ve always felt like an outsider in my generation because my thoughts and desires set me apart. I am a mother to two beautiful little girls. In fact, for the past 2 years I identified as a single working mother and I never felt complete. However, I recently married the love of my life and I have lived the last two months as a stay at home mom. Some days I question if I have made the right decision or not, and other days I know that I wouldn’t choose to have it any other way because waking up every morning to my most favorite people is rewarding. I have many hopes for this blog, and I will share them with you.
I have many ideas that I would like to discuss. I have spiritual ideas. I have controversial ideas. I have parenting ideas. I have so many ideas that I have a hard time sorting through many of them! I want to use my blog to showcase all (or most) of my ideas.
I would like to find my purpose. I believe that we all have a purpose in life. Some people are fortunate enough to know their purpose early in life, but I’ve spent most of my life flopping from one goal to the next with no real purpose. This lack of purpose is the reason why I struggle with being and staying motivated. I hope that I will be able to realize my purpose through digging in the deepest hidden corners of my mind to fill this blog with relevant and encouraging content.
I hope to encourage people who can relate to my life. I have had many experiences in my short years. Some were good. A lot of them were bad. All of them were lessons. I want people to learn from my mistakes. I want people to take chances and opportunities that I was afraid of taking myself. I want to be helpful.
I would also like to chronicle my successes. I’m not exactly sure where my life is headed, but I have had so many downs in recent years that I am 100 percent positive that I can only go up from here. My greater years are ahead of me and I want the world to see the glory of God in my life. Despite my many mistakes, God can turn things around for me and make something beautiful out of my life.
So there’s the tea about me. Don’t be a stranger. Tell me a little bit about you because we could all use a friend on this journey we call life.
I have taken the biggest leap of my 23 years of life by starting this blog. I’ve never been the type of person to follow my dreams. I used to think that I could find happiness doing what others wanted me to do. I believed that somehow I would find my place in the world by achieving the success that other people wanted me to achieve. But this year I have realized that I am not other people, and I just want to be me.
Did I mention that I love to write? I may not be a Maya Angelou or Charles Dickens, but I dream to make a name for myself someday. I want this blog to be the starting point of a blooming career. One day I will be able to look back on these posts and admire how far I’ve come. I want my kids to see these posts and know that anything is possible. I want people to grow from my experiences and learn from my mistakes.
I have chosen to write this blog detailing every little thing that crosses my mind that I think would be helpful to someone else. Thanks for joining me, and I hope you will enjoy!
Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton